5/26/10

Yesterday, we had a long discussion about group dynamics. We learned how a group forms and the steps a group goes through as it developed. Within this discussion, we touched upon the idea of a peace circle. A peace circle asks, in regard to a conflict: 1. What happened? 2. What impact did it have on you? 3. How do we repair the situation? In order to gain a fuller understanding of the concept, the group did a peace circle focused on solving a conflict had while grocery shopping.

Our first day in Cape Town, the group went grocery shopping with the original intention of buying a few community items (bread, butter, etc.) and sharing the cost. Once we got the grocery store, however, the group could not agree on what should be bought and the idea was frustrated and dissipated; everyone ended buying their own food (except for, understandably, the siblings). While some people were upset with the situation because they thought there had been an agreement and by not following though, we were being wasteful, others (particularly myself and one other) were happy to not share food.

During the peace circle, we all went around and told our side of what happened, how it impacted us, and how we might possibly have resolved the situation. After the peace circle, Professor Keasley asked us what we thought of the exercise. Some liked it, some did not. I, personally, did not think the peace circle was helpful tool. And in general, I don’t know if I would have found any personal satisfaction in the exercise in many other situations.

The people I care deeply for, I really care for; that list includes family and some friends who might as well be family. But the people who don’t fit in this category, I honestly don’t know if I would full heartily put their own needs and wants before mine. I remember something a roommate in Boston told me one time when I was putting other people before myself and, as a result, coming out on the short end of the stick. She told me; “Nobody cares about you except for yourself. You have to put yourself first because no one else ever will.” She meant that people naturally and instinctually put their own needs ahead of everyone else’s needs, and if you always think of other people first, your needs and wants won’t be met. Her words have stuck with me and it’s a mentality, for the most part, I have maintained. Call me selfish or thoughtless, but, as we have touched upon in class, don’t we all live in this capitalist mindset? Don’t get me wrong, it is not that I don’t care or want to help others; I just always make sure I’m helped too.

I want to tie this idea into our discussion today about justice and forgiveness. A lot of people expressed a strong value in forgiveness; that to develop and grow and work through things, forgiveness is necessary. I, personally, do not agree with this at all. If someone wrongs me, unless you fit in that group of people whom I am close with, forgiveness is basically out of the question. If you wrong me once, you could wrong me again and I am not going to let that happen. Justice, however, is a whole different animal. Justice is something I can get satisfaction out of. As I mentioned in class, justice is a confirmation that I was right and what you did was wrong. Professor emphasized that this is a very American mindset; we are an incredibly retributive society.

It seems that, if America wants to achieve reconciliation, the particular mindset that I embody involving the individual before the group and justice as superior to forgiveness must be overturned. The entire society must agree and make a legitimate effort to exclude these values or reconciliation, the focus on the whole rather than the parts, cannot be achieved.

In regards to the Professor’s last question, what are you going to do with this information; I would have to say I that won’t do much. I like my individualistic attitude and if other people aren’t going to put the group over the individual, neither am I. Until the entire United States society decides to change, I am probably won’t change either.